It wasn’t always the same, but it was always there.
Never once have I been expecting without experiencing fear of some various aspect of childbirth. It turns out, many women just like me experience fear of childbirth when they are expecting. Are you having feelings of fear in this area? If so, you and I are in good company.
There are many things that have disturbed the peace for women looking ahead to their birth Fear of feeling like a failure, epidural needles, puking, being naked, fetal complications, tearing, pooping, and even dying are overwhelming. There is no limit to where fear can creep in and place excessive doubt and worry where it doesn’t belong. Birth is immanent. You cannot escape it.
There are some very good reasons for being afraid of your upcoming childbirth, namely that it can be painful, and sometimes, bad things happen. At times birth simply doesn’t go the way we intended and there are lasting effects that come along with it.
It’s true that childbirth does not come without a single risk. And yet, if we took a hard look at the facts, we know our fear is bigger than the reality of the actual risk. We know and still we coddle it and feed it. The feeling of fear is tangible to us.
Sometimes our fears make us feel silly, especially when we know fully well when our “fear” doesn’t even have a serious repercussion. It is literally us being frivolous. I mean, what damage ever came to someone who pooped during labor? But being afraid to poop in labor can prevent us from pushing properly when the time comes.
The Fear is Real.
Fear is very real and it absolutely has no place in the birthing room.
Fear triggers the body’s fight, flight, or freeze reflex. Feelings of fear cause the body to release adrenaline, the body’s defense mechanism. Adrenaline directly conflicts with the hormone oxytocin, which is released when feeling safe and loved. Oxytocin is produced when you laugh, when you cuddle, and when you have good sex. It is oxytocin that moves labor along but when your body is producing adrenaline, it stops making oxytocin. Fear can literally stop your labor in its tracks. It can prolong your labor, and/or stall it, leading to possible interventions that you never hoped for.
Process Your Fear Now
It is absolutely essential that you process these fearful feelings beforehand. Speaking them aloud and directed at a listening ear can serve you well in this area. Research what you need to research. Talk about what you need to process through. You need to let your listening partner know whether you want them to try and “fix” it or simply listen before speaking to them. This way they know what you are looking for in them.
Recognize it, Speak it
Then you must find the strength to let it go. Labor is such a primal thing that your body is going to take over. You won’t have room to deal with it in the moment. Let your midwife know what you are feeling. Tell your doula what’s going on in your head. These people are trained to help you overcome so you are at your very best when you need to be just that. Then you can escort fear off the premises before it can cause any more trouble than it already has.